Ratamago Kado
by Adrian Nightshade
Summary: What if Naruto got a bloodline from the Forbidden Scroll? One that let him survive being killed? Can we say Respawn? UP FOR ADOPTION!
1. Respawn, bitches!

Naruto: Ratamago Kodo

AN: I do not own Naruto, and I never have. I'd love to own it, but sadly, I don't. (huddles in emo corner with thundercloud over head, whimpering softly to self.)

AN 2: Super strong, smart, slightly dark Naruto, with small harem. (3 at most).

AN 3: If anything in this story is similar to something you wrote, I apologize, but due to the fact that just about every original idea for Naruto fan fiction out there has been used at least once before, the likelihood of my story resembling someone else's story is about 1 in 6, so I apologize in advance.

AN 4: I am going to be drawing on the writings of some of the stories I've read as I write this, so I'd like to take a moment to refer you to AN 3, above, which clearly states that … *pause*… you know what? Just read it and then read the goddamn story!

AN 5: EPIC SASUKE BASHING! Don't like it? TOO BAD!

"talking"

'_thinking'_

"_jutsu"_

"bijuu talking"

Chapter the first: Two words … RESPAWN, BITCHES!

Naruto was running through the forest surrounding Konoha, a large scroll strapped to his back. He was musing over how pathetically easy it had been to sneak past the Hokage and the ANBU, slip into the vault, take the scroll, and slip out, as he leapt toward the location Mizuki-kokuzoku wanted to meet him. Naruto, being much smarter than he let on, knew that Mizuki was just going to try and steal the scroll and take it to whoever he worked for. However, since their was no way he was going to pass up an opportunity to learn new, super powerful jutsu, Naruto had decided to go along with the trick, at least until he beat Mizuki into the ground and turned him in to the Hokage as a traitor.

"Man, ANBU just aren't on their game today. I didn't even get spotted!" He thought to himself as he landed in the clearing. Checking the time, he saw that he still had a good three hours before the silver haired instructor was to show up, so he sat down, took the scroll off his back, and opened it. "Might as well learn some powerful jutsu while I have this." he muttered, looking over the first item on the list.

_Kage Bushin no Jutsu_

_This jutsu allows the user to create solid clones by splitting their chakra evenly between themselves and the clone or clones. However, as it takes so much chakra to use, most jounin can only make three or four clones, though with practice, a user can increase the number of clones made. Being solid, each clone can inflict physical damage on the opponent, although one solid hit will dispel the clone._

_This technique has a secondary effect, as any thing a clone learns before it dispels, the original user learns when the clone 'dies'. However, if too many clones dispel at once, the user can suffer from what is known as 'knowledge overload' or 'mental backlash' which will cause the user to pass out._

'Hm, with these , I could train to master a jutsu twice as fast, or more!' "I am definitely learning this." Naruto cracked his knuckles, and got to work.

_TimeSkip-1 and a half hours_

Naruto fell onto his back, panting and sweating. He had managed to master the Kage Bushin to the point that he could use it without seals, and had discovered, to his delight, and slight astonishment, that he could make upwards of two thousand clones without feeling any side effects. However, he had used it so much while practicing, he was suffering from a case of mild fatigue.

He sat up with a groan, and reached over to grab the scroll. Unrolling it to the next item, he blinked as he read it, then read it again to make sure he had read it right.

_Ratamago Kado (Kekkie Genkai) Implant_

_WARNING: This seal will implant the Bloodline known as Ratamago Kado, or Respawn Limit, into any who it deems worthy. However, it requires immense chakra, and can be extremely dangerous._

_This bloodline allows the user to respawn after being killed. This means that if the user is killed, after a few seconds, they will be able to get back up, completely refreshed. In essence, it makes the user un-killable. However, every respawn shortens the users lifespan by anywhere from a day to a year, depending on the method of death. For example, getting stabbed in the heart will only cost a day, while getting blown up will cost a full year._

_To activate the seal, cut the palm of your dominant hand and place it on the seal once it starts to bleed._

_Good Luck!_

Blinking, Naruto read the brief description one more time, then grinned.

"Hell, yeah."

He cut his hand, and after seeing blood well up, placed it against the seal. For a moment, nothing happened. Then, unimaginable pain flooded his body. He screamed, and blacked out instantly.

_Time Skip- 1 hour, 10 minutes_

Naruto groaned as the world swan into blurry focus. '_What hit me?_' he wondered. Then he remembered the scroll. '_Oh, right._' He looked at his watch. Only ten minutes until Mizuki-teme showed up. '_I should clean up a bit before he gets here._'

Picking up the scroll, he started to roll it up, but stopped when he saw something on it glowing. Looking at it, he saw it was the seal of the Ratamago. It had changed. It now read:

_Congratulations! If you're still alive, then you passed the test, and now possess the Ratamago Kado. As there are no recorded techniques for this bloodline, you must create your own. Good luck!_

Naruto grinned, and rolled up the scroll, securing it on his back. Then, he sat down to wait for Mizuki.

"Naruto! How could you!"

Naruto's head snapped around as Iruka jumped into the clearing.

"Ah, Iruka-sensei! About time you showed up. I was beginning to think no-one would find me in time to watch as I kick the shit out of Mizuki-kokuzoku." He grinned at the dumbfounded look on Iruka's face as he tried to process the sight of Naruto acting smart. "What's the matter? Surely you didn't believe that I was really as dumb as I acted, did you? I only failed the test because I suspected Mizuki was up to something, and my suspicions were confirmed when he told me to steal this scroll. He intends to take it from me and take it to his master. I intend to beat the shit out of him and turn him in to the Hokage. And, no, you can't do anything about it so just sit back, enjoy the show, and don't try to stop any thing he throws at me."

Iruka, confounded, just nodded and sat down. No sooner had he, when Mizuki showed up.

"Ah Iruka, so I see you've decided to aid this traitor. Tsk, tsk. Now I have to kill you both." Grinning, he pulled a large fuma shuriken off of his back and started to spin it. He drew back his arm, and looked at Naruto. "Any last words before you die, traitor?"

Naruto nodded. "Actually, yes. Remember what I said, Iruka-sensei. Don't try to stop anything he throws, and because I can see a glint in your eyes, don't get in-between me and any weapon he throws. Got it?" Iruka, once again, just nodded as his shoulders slumped. "Good. Fire away, Mizuki-kokuzoku."

Mizuki's smile got even wider as he laughed. "Oh, I intend to, but first, I have something to say. 12 years ago… you know about the demon fox being sealed, right? Since that day, a special rule was made for this village. But you were never supposed to find out about it. Why, you ask? Because, hehehehe, the rule is that nobody is allowed to talk about the fact that YOU ARE THE NINE TAILED FOX! YOU are the fox that destroyed the village! YOU were sealed up by the Fourth Hokage! Everybody hates YOU, because they know what YOU are! Nobody will ever love you! Now, with that said, I'm going to KILL YOU! HAHAHA!"

His grin turned into a sneer as he whipped his arm forward, snarling "DIE!" as he sent the giant shuriken speeding towards Naruto, who just sat there, smiling calmly, until…

SHLURK!

…the flying metal object of painful death cut Naruto completely in half, from his right shoulder to his left hip. Iruka sat there, stunned as he watched the two halves of Naruto's body slide apart, top falling forward, legs falling back. Tears blurred his vision, and he opened his mouth to scream his new-found grief, when all of a sudden…

"GRAGHHHH! That hurt like a BITCH, MOTHERFUCKER!"

His jaw dropped as he turned… and saw Naruto, standing up and rubbing his shoulder, just to the left of… the two pieces of his own body. Needless to say, his jaw dropped even further.

Mizuki was dumbfounded. One moment, there was a dead blonde in two pieces on the ground; the next, said blonde is just fine, standing next to where he was. How was the possible? His eyes narrowed. _'Iruka must have used a genjutsu to make it look like he was a foot to the right of where he really was before I got here. BASTARD!' _

He snarled and brought his hands together in a ram seal, shouting "KAI!" as he pulsed his chakra. Smirking he looked at the place where the body had been…and still was. His brow furrowed, confused. Setting his mouth in a thin line, he shouted "KAI!" and pulsed his chakra again. Nothing.

Naruto smirked as he watched Mizuki attempt to dispel what he thought was an illusion of a dead Naruto. "That's not going to work," he sang mockingly, then laughed when Mizuki cried out and fell over, scrambling to get away from the resurrected blonde.

"You see, Mizuki-kokuzoku, when I failed the genin test, I did it on purpose. See, I had my suspicions about you, and when you tried to convince me that stealing the Forbidden Scroll of Seals, the giant scroll of forbidden jutsu, my thoughts were confirmed. Honestly, you asked an academy student who had just failed a test to see if he could be a ninja, to sneak into THE most heavily guarded building in a village full of actual ninjas, steal a scroll from the high security vault, while avoiding detection from all of the high level ninjas, including the Hokage himself, the 'God of Shinobi' as he is called, sneak back out, then avoid capture by said high level ninjas for over three hours, and you didn't expect me to immediately know EXACTLY what you were trying to do?" Naruto stood there with his hands on his hips, smirking at the panicking man on the ground. "Also, do you really think that I could even get away with this? Because I knew I couldn't, which is why I told the Hokage exactly what you told me to do beforehand."

Now, Naruto bared his teeth in a vicious smile. "And you know what else, Mizuki-kokuzoku? I already knew about the fox. Oh yes, I've known about the fox since the day it was sealed inside me. And yes, Iruka-sensei, I can remember that far back." Iruka, who had just been about to ask Naruto if he was telling the truth, nodded.

"Now then, what was I planning to do to you?" Naruto put his hand on his chin as he stepped toward Mizuki's prone form. "Oh yeah! I remember now!" He turned a dark grin in Mizuki's direction. Mizuki meeped pathetically as Naruto stalked toward him, and a dark stain spread across his pants as Naruto finished his statement. "I was going to beat the ever living shit out of you until the Hokage shows up. And he's not gonna be here for another hour, at least." His hands formed a single seal, and he whispered, _"Kage Bushin no Jutsu."_

The clearing was swallowed by orange.

A thousand blondes descended.

Mizuki screamed.

_Time Skip-approx. 1 hour and 45 minutes_

Hiruzen Sarutobi, Third Hokage, and the God of Shinobi, had seen many things during his life, especially having lived through three world wars and the Kyuubi attack. But never, in his life, had he ever seen this. An individual meticulously beaten over every inch of their body, then systematically tortured, using what appeared to be at least half of the known torture techniques in the book, before being precisely vivisected alive, having every organ pulled out, stretched away as far as it would go from the body, then staked to the ground by a kunai, as well as roughly half of the bones remaining carefully broken, pulled out, and stacked next to said individuals eyeballs, which had been scooped out of their respective sockets, but left connected. There were also large, lit candles sitting in the cavities where the organs used to be, sitting at an angle so that hot wax dripped onto the fleshy walls of the cavity. This was the scene he came across as he entered the clearing where Naruto was interrogating Mizuki to learn who he was working for. As was his first instinct, he automatically scanned the rest of the clearing to assess the situation. Aside from Iruka being violently ill against the side of the small hut on the edge of the tree-line, a Kage Bushin standing guard by the Forbidden Scroll, which he smiled at, and another clone holding what looked like a video camera recording everything that the original was doing, the clearing was empty. Sarutobi looked back over at the original Naruto, who was slowly removing the skin of Mizuki's… looked like his left thigh, which, along with his right foot, his forehead, and part of his right arm, were the only parts of his body that still had skin. The rest was stretched out about fifteen feet away in a very precise replication of a human body.

Hearing retching noises behind him, Sarutobi turned to see every single one of the thirty ANBU he had brought with him vomiting as if their lives depended on it. He shook his head, turned back around, and called "Naruto!"

Hearing his name, Naruto looked up, then grinned when he saw the Hokage. "Ohayo, jiji! I caught Mizuki for you!" He gestured proudly at what was left of Mizuki, who was whimpering in agony, as he had long since nearly destroyed his vocal cords screaming as Naruto worked on him.

"Yes, I can see that Naruto." Sarutobi very carefully did not look at Naruto's work, since he didn't want to end up like his ANBU did. "I want you to finish up, so we can return the scroll and confirm your placement in the official shinobi register, as well as getting you a headband. Ok?"

Naruto's face dropped. "Awww. I wanted to play with Mizuki-kokuzoku some more. I was gonna scalp him and cut open his skull next. Can I do that before we go?"

"Well, I don't know, I mean-"

"Pwease, ojiji-chan?" Naruto's eye got enormous and round as his lower lip trembled, hitting Sarutobi with his special 1000 watt version of the dreaded _'Puppy Eyes no Jutsu'_.

He tried, he really did. But not even the God of Shinobi could resist that jutsu, let alone a version that was a thousand times more powerful. Eventually, he crumbled.

"Fine, go ahead. But don't take too long. And kill him when you're done, ok?"

"Ok, jiji!" Naruto chirped with a huge grin as he literally skipped back to Mizuki's leg, pulled out his kunai, which he had stabbed into said leg earlier, then went to Mizuki's head and, pulling his hair taut, sawed the skin of Mizuki's head off, along with the hair. Then he pulled out a saw and carefully cut the top of Mizuki's skull off, setting it to the side with the rest of the bones. He put the scalp with the rest of Mizuki's skin, went to his ear, and said in a low voice, "Sorry, Mizuki-kokuzoku, but I have to wrap up here, so you are no longer of any use to me. You have two options. One, I stab your brain with this kunai. Two, I walk away and let the animals eat you until you die from blood loss. Choose."

Mizuki whimpered, then rasped out in a voice no longer human, "One."

"Ok, kunai it is." With that said, Naruto plunged his kunai deep into the center of Mizuki's brain, killing him instantly. Then he whispered, "Good-bye, kokuzoku-chan."

_**END CHAPTER ONE.**_


	2. UP FOR ADOPTION: TO A GOOD HOME

I would like to apologize for not updating this story, but I've had a massive case of writers block since I last posted anything. As such, I am officially putting this story up for adoption to anyone who thinks the can continue it. If you want to adopt this story, send me a private message and let me know. After it gets adopted, I will be deleting it after five days from the time of adoption. I'll also put on my profile whom it belongs to for those that still want to read it.

Thank you.

Adrian Nightshade.


	3. Chapter 3

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

I, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that (I believe) violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in it's original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

For those that may agree with this, please fell free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

Psudocode_Samurai  
>Rocketman1728<br>dracohalo117  
>VFSNAKE<br>Agato the Venom Host  
>Jay Frost<br>SamCrow  
>Blood Brandy<br>Dusk666  
>Hisea Ori<br>The Dark Graven  
>BlackRevenant<br>Lord Orion Salazar Black  
>Sakusha Saelbu<br>Horocrux  
>socras01<br>Kumo no Makoto  
>Biskoff<br>Korraganitar the NightShadow  
>NightInk<br>Lazruth  
>ragnrock kyuubi<br>SpiritWriterXXX  
>Ace6151<br>FleeingReality  
>Harufu<br>Exiled crow  
>Slifer1988<br>Dee Laynter  
>Angeldoctor<br>Final Black Getsuga  
>ZamielRaizunto<br>Fenris187  
>blood enraged<br>arashiXnoXkami  
>tstoldt<br>Mystic 6 tailed Naruto  
>ElementalMaster16<br>Dark Vizard447  
>Darth Void Sage of the Force<br>Shiso no Kitsune  
>The Sinful<br>Kage640  
>Ihateheroes<br>swords of twilight  
>Kyuubi16<br>darthkamon  
>narutodragon<br>bunji the wolf  
>Cjonwalrus<br>Killjoy3000  
>blueexorist<br>White Whiskey  
>Ying the Nine Tail Fox<br>Gin of the wicked smile  
>tstoldt<br>The wolf god Fenri  
>JazzyJ09<br>sleepers4u  
>The Unknown 007<br>Gallantmon228  
>MKTerra<br>Gunbladez19  
>Forgottenkami<br>RHatch89  
>SoulKingonCrack<br>Dreadman75  
>Knives91<br>The Lemon Sage  
>Dark Spidey<br>VioletTragedies  
>Eon The Cat of Shadows<br>kazikamikaze24  
>animegamemaster6<br>LLOYDROCKS  
>demented-squirrel<br>swords of dawn  
>The Immoral Flame<br>blueexorist  
>Challenger<br>Shywhitefox  
>drp83<br>Bethrezen  
>Dragon6<br>bellxross  
>unweymexicano<br>The First Kitsukage  
>kingdom219<br>brown phantom  
>littleking9512<br>kurokamiDG  
>Auumaan<br>FrancineBlossom  
>BDG420<br>Her Dark Poet  
>bloodrosepsycho<br>Shen an Calhar  
>NarutoMasterSage4040<br>Masamune X23  
>Kuromoki<br>Sliver Lynx  
>devilzxknight86<br>Unis Crimson  
>Zero X Limit<br>SinX. Retribution  
>reven228<br>JAKdaRIPPER  
>Third Fang<br>IRAssault  
>Grumpywinter<br>absolutezero001  
>Single Silver Eye<p>

Adrian Nightshade


	4. Chapter 4

Alright everyone again sorry not a new chapter but there is some good news here is information about the people that are helping delete are stories. I have checked out there forms and it really is them they have a forum that is called Clean Sweep that list all the fic's they delete like a hit list. Some of them even list reasons why they deleted it such as it's a songfic, its original work, its rated MA, or just because they don't like it. What they do is get others on their side and report it to the people of who I wonder even check the fic's they report or just delete hoping the information is correct. I most have to ask what gives this people the right to do what they do if they don't like fic then don't read it. They act like they are forced to read this fic's well I say we fight back I have found so far a few forums that wish to fight against this people so at the bottom check out these forums and sign on to help us against them. I also hope many of you get to read this as there is a chance people of Critics United might try to or have the stories I post this in deleted. Just to quite me but I urge all of you who read this also post in your stories or on your profiles or even email them to other authors or people you know.

Here's some info I got from a reviewer named Rei concerning those responsible.

The source of the purge has been found. A group of regular FF users, Critics

United, will post any story they don't like on their forum. Then they have all

their members mass report it until the story is deleted. In their forum they

say they hope to cause another purge soon.

They are not critics; they are bullies. They do not offer constructive

criticism; they flame and poke fun. They like to call stories shit-fics, and

call authors whose story they got deleted 'immature' and 'likely to bitch at

them.' They often use heavy sarcasm and condescension in their supposed

'constructive criticism.'

The head of Critics United has MA sex scenes in her stories.

Copy and Paste

Spread the word, hurry!

Forums against Critics United:

1. Helpful Critics

2. Writers against Critics United

3. Death to Critics United! (Death might be a bit over kill though)

4. Critics United rant Forum

5. Anti-Critics Union

7. Best em' best!

8. Serpent Alley

9. The Anti Tallz Rebellion

10. A&A

I hope you all can help out this forums and help us stop Critics United and anyone else that wishes to delete are fic's just cause they don't like them.


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